yesterday was CT's FIRST NEDA walk at the UCONN campus in west hartford. my friend jenn created our team which was called "strong's the new skinny". i have been trying to recruit donations now for quite a few months and NEDA raised $27,000 just in CT!!!!
my friend from high schools mom came to walk with me. it was really nice to have her support. i havent seen her in like ages so it was really great to catch up with her. she can talk for hours and hours. she told me the day prior that she was doing a cleanse and was listing off foods she can and cannot eat. slightly triggering? mmmhm. but i can handle stuff like that. she continued the food talk on the way there. when we got to the walk we registered and got our free NEDA shirt. at the registration table she continued to talk with someone working the walk about her cleanse etc. i was a bit mortified. i guess some people are just ignorant when it comes to talking about food, calories, diets etc around people with eating disorders. i finally had to speak up. i said "you might want to curb the food talk while you are here" after that she did which was good.
it was so incredibly good to see my friends from treatment and the staff from 2 of the PHP programs i have been at patient at. it was a bit triggering because some of the girls there looked like they were really sick. one of my friends was in the hospital 2 days prior for medical reasons but she discharged herself because they wanted to put her on the psych unit. and i can tell you this...this girl is really sick. you can just tell by how emaciated she looks. i just continued to tell myself that everyone is in different stages in their recovery. of course while we are there we are constantly comparing in our head about how prettier someone is, how skinner they are. it is only natural for someone with an eating disorder to do that comparing.
i surely felt "Ed's" presence and he wanted to sneak his sorry ass into a day that i wanted to go and embrace. i had to remind myself how far i have come and the freedom that i am finally starting to feel. it was a bridge that had splinters all the way across, but as i continue to walk farther and farther away from that broken bridge, i have been able to begin to find the "real me." my T even asked me "do you think you are turning a corner...for now?" i dont know what the future holds and i am sure it will have its ups and down like i have a history of, but for this very moment, i can see how far i have come. yes, i struggle with body image EVERY DAY but health wise, i feel pretty good. i am able to be present in life and with the people i love. i am able to start some good work in therapy.
so, as triggering as yesterday was, it was a celebration of recovery.
 |
| Jenn and i |
 |
| Amy and i |
 |
| the staff at IOL that helped me get where i am today |
No comments:
Post a Comment