owning our feelings

in treatment we are taught to express our feelings. to use "i" statements and own our feelings. it is easy to do in the safety of a therapists office where they back you up. in real life? not so much.

usually, when in a confrontation with someone, i back down. the other person will make points why they think they are right and i succumb. i become a spineless jellyfish floating in a sea of confrontation.

tonight was one of the VERY rare times where i spoke my mind and my feelings..and i stood my ground.

you would think it would feel amazing. liberating. empowering. non? nope. i was experiencing extreme anxiety, i was having sharp chest pains, and my natural reaction was to give in saying that they were right and my feelings were wrong. but i didnt.

this person continuously was saying "please dont feel that way. i dont want you to think that. you are making me feel like a bad friend". wait..what? I am making YOU feel like a bad friend? complete opposite. 

i stood my ground. despite whatever bullshit they said, i stood my ground. i owned my feelings. i made those feelings my bitch (excuse my language). 

the conversation didnt end exactly the way i would like it to, but i spoke my mind and my feelings. that is all that matters. i am not responsible for how the other person feels. i am simply responsible and need to own up to my own feelings..which i did.

i feel proud. i feel accomplished. i feel like..shit all at the same time because it is out of my comfort zone. one more step towards recovery...