It creeps in slowly but surely, by the darkness of night. Every aspect of my being is overrun by the moster that lurks deep within my soul, my heart, my mind, my body. There's nothing to be done but to let it rule me; its presence is felt with an ache that doesn't subside. There, every second of every minute, of every hour, every day; it won't go away. It's my companion, one that is loathed with all that I am and ever was.
Is it all that I ever will be, or is it something I can purge myself of, once and for all, just like I purge the contents of my stomach with all the hate in the world. I loath myself, and it bathes in that loathing. All the hate I feel for myself is the fuel for its presence in me.
Can I rid myself of this monstrosity? Can I be free, one day, maybe, justmaybe? I wish upon the first star in the darkness of the night's sky, every time I spot it in the revealed blanket of night. Please, please, please let me be free, I wish.
You will be free, love. Freedom lies in making the choice to commit to recovery, day after day after day, even when it's hard, even when it's dark out, even when you don't feel like it. You deserve freedom. Fight for it! Sending love and prayers your way <3
ReplyDeleteOh, thank you SO much Lisa. This means the world to me that you've reblogged my post.
ReplyDeleteAll my love to you, my darling.