first day back.

today was the first day to the start of the spring semester for me. i cannot believe 6 months have gone by since i took my last class. at first, it felt like those 6 months were going to go by so slowly but it snuck up on me.

i had my internship from 7:30 am-3. it snowed this morning (when hasnt it?) and the commute was anything but good. i was going somewhere 20 minutes away and it took me an hour. awful. i finally got to my destination and my day began. i reviewed all of the things i learned 6 months ago when i was at my site for 2 days. i was surprised at how much i remembered. i was able to get onto the program we use and become familiar with it, including writing a few notes and setting up a new client file. we had a discharge at 2 and were supposed to have an intake immediately after, which i would observe, but the woman didnt show. i left at 3 to head to class.

my first class was professional ethics. surprisingly, my professor is humorous. i feel like i will learn a lot but the workload is a bit hefty. we shall see how that goes. we got out a half hour early so i jetted home to grab something to eat and change out of my dress clothes. off to my second class. i was excited of this class, career development, because it is with a professor i know and really like. she is awesome and very engaging.

overall, today went well but i found myself thinking that i cant and dont want to do this. i know that is my anorexia talking because it doesnt want to be out of my life. in order to stay in school, i must ditch my eating disorder. this is so hard. i was able to eat 3 meals and 1 snack today. that is remarkable compared to what i have been doing. i forced myself to face the food. i didnt like it. not one bit. but i still did it. i know i should give myself a pat on the back but instead i feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. it is a day to day battle that never ends.

i honestly dont know if i will make it through the semester but i will as hell try my best. that is all i can do, right?

tomorrow i have my internship from 730-4 and then i will be doing homework as we will be snowed in. i am trying to stay motivated and think of my end goal. i finished one year of graduate school, i can finish my second.

i am tired and drained. time for me to relax and tomorrow i will face the day head on.

love love love,

lis