the rest of the springfield college community is starting classes today...continuing their college degree. and i am not. i have had a hard summer, but today seems like the hardest day out of all of them...
i see everyone's faceybook status talking about going to classes in the eh em and it makes me so sad, angry, and frustrated. i COULD be doing the same thing. yet i am not. i let some stupid eating disorder get in the way of my life...my goals.
i will simply say i have not taken last night well at all. my SO came over and that was absolutely amazing and i needed it..major. since our talk the other night i feel like we are closer than ever. i even secretly admitted to watching all 6 seasons of our show (oops! i have no will power) and there was laughter...
i thankfully have a lot to do today..i have phone calls to make including a treatment facility in hartford (yes you read that right), 3 doctors, and go to the bank to work out my checking account, along with work 4-midnight.
so, yes, i am busy but however i DO have to go to campus to work out my financial aid since they only gave me enough loans for 9 credits. i need 12. i dont know how well that will go. i feel like i will come home or to work and be a hot mess. i still avoid that area of springfield as much as i can. i do not drive by there because it is too painful. too painful to realize that i messed up so badly. too painful that i am not allowed to continue my education unless W,X,Y, and Z are fulfilled.
my counselor at school said technically according to my letter about my medical leave, i am allowed on campus. so that is good. i can still see him to check in and see one of my best friends.
my roommate asked me tonight if i had taken Marriage and Family Counseling yet so she would not have to buy the book. I said "no, but i was SUPPOSED to take it this semester". it just reiterated the fact that i will not be returning until AT LEAST january.
on top of what i have to deal with, mamadukes said people are asking what is going on school wise, especially family. i told her not to keep it a secret and lie. it has been a secret for so long...just be open. yes, her clients are asking, so she can be general...but when it comes to family...tell the truth.
okay. i have a lot more to say, but i will save it for another day...
love you all.
lis
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