6.4.10 update

it is my first day off from school and i had to wake up at the butt crack of dawn for appointments. i had my psychiatrist @ 845 am, therapy @ 1030, and my PCP @ 215 (which mind you is an hour away)...

i went to my psychiatrist and expressed concern that my anxiety continues to be through the roof, that i am having sleep disturbances, and that my mind is constantly racing. pretty much everything was congruent with the things i mentioned the month prior. he decided to up my buspar and increase my klonie at night to help me sleep. so lets cross our fingers that this works because this is getting ridiculous.

after i left my psych appt i had some free time before i saw my T so of course i stopped at D&D to get myself some much needed caffeine since sleep was an epic fail last night. i sat in my car listening to some tunes and relaxing before i drove the 15 min to my next stop.

i was very anxious about seeing my T after our sesh last week. i didnt know what was running through her head and i had my 2 lists in hand ready to talk. i walked into her office and told her the changes that my psych made. we then obviously acknowledged what had happened in our previous session and she asked how i felt when i left her office that day. we also talked about restoring weight, because just like many other people struggling with an ed, i am very numbers focused and it is interfering with our progress. i of course weigh myself a ridiculous amount of times throughout the day and at first she asked if i could go a full week without weighing myself. is this chick kidding me???? i said no that sounds like too long to go without knowing my weight. she stated that linda was concerned that if there is a drop in my weight before my weekly appt it contributes to my increased anxiety. so my T and i agreed that i would go 2 days without weighing myself. she said i could weigh myself as many times as i wanted today (since i already did after i showered this am) but could not weigh myself again until monday. that is going to be very difficult for me but i know i can do it because i have done it before..and i am going to try my hardest to comply with this. however, if i cannot do it i am not going to beat myself up for it...

she then wanted to shift gears a little and said "for the next few moments lets talk about some goals that you would like to set.." i laughed out loud and said "i am one step ahead of you. i KNEW you were going to ask that". she said "how did you know i was going to ask that?" i replied "i dont know. i just did. i am awesome like that". haha guess the counselor in me just knows how things work. so there i was on the couch sifting through my purse pulling out my typed (yes, typed...would you expect anything less?) =P list of goals and handed her a copy. we went through each bullet point one by one and that took up pretty much the rest of the session. i left there feeling like we accomplished something and like we are both on the same page. finally!

i then drove home to change and grab my stuff for work and be sea tee bound for my dr appt @ 215. around 1215 my anxiety began to set in. my heart started beating so fast and i felt an intense pressure in my chest. i got to the dr and they took my BP. it was normal. DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF??? they took it 3 times and it came out the same each time. i was shocked. why is it normal here but when i go for my weekly appt it is as if i am going to keel over from a heart attack? my dr explained my chest pains are from something called costochondritis. here is what that is..i had to look it up myself...

it is a condition that causes chest pain due to inflammation of the cartiladge and bones in the chest wall. it occurs when there is inflammation at the junction of the rib bone and the sternum. at this junction there is cartilage joining these bones and they can become irritated and inflamed which can be quite painful.

there is not a whole lot that i can do for this other than take ibuprofen when i am experiencing pain. i then called the director of the health center and told her what my PCP told me...she was puzzled as to why my BP is so high in her office and yet normal at the dr. she said maybe because the environment at the health center is stressful. well no shit sherlock...so essentially i spent about 3 hours and $30 for them to tell me that my BP is high from anxiety. oh lordy...but i am glad it wasnt something really serious!

right after my appt with my PCP i had to drive an hour to work. so needless to say i am wiped. 3 appts in one day is a lot for a person to handle. a lot of stress, worrying, and anxiety.

but thats the update of my day...i cant wait for my head to hit that pillow tonight!!

xoxo

lis

p.s. watch this adorable girl...i think i may do this everyday in my mirror!!! =]