newest trend: formspring.
i was hesitant to create one simply because i didnt want to "conform" to what everyone else was doing. i was adamant about not having one thinking that it was what everyone was doing. i then caved...
my headline was "ask me whatever you want til your hearts content". throughout the 3 weeks or so i have had a formspring i have received about 95% questions about my eating disorder and i would say the majority of them have been hurtful, stereotypical, and judgmental. they were asking why i was publicizing my ED so much, why i thought being underweight looked good, and other various things. these questions are so hurtful. FIRST of all, i did not create my formspring to be another outlet for my eating disorder. i wanted people to ask me questions about who i am outside of that. i would hope i am more than my anorexia but now i am seriously doubting that.
tonight was the last straw. my facebook status was about ordering teds (as in my previous post here i said i was struggling with edema). i joked on facebook about ordering them and making them a "new fashion trend" as they were in tx. well someone decided to anonymously go on formspring and be a hater about it asking "why would you publicly advertise that you are ordering teds when people clearly know what they are for?". i also got a question asking "why are your statuses on facebook so depressing?"
double you tee eff. this is the straw that broke the camels back. i decided to delete my form spring. who are you to judge me? i am allowed to write whatever i want to on MY facebook or formspring. but now i feel like i need to censor what i post for fear of rejection or judgment. i simply post what i post to update people about what is going on in my life...isnt that what a status is all about? i guess not.
i am already struggling enough. why do people have to be so mean and hateful? i am sitting here on my couch writing this post and tears are forming in my eyes. i dont have a good support network as it is and i want to let my frew crew know how i am doing via facebook statuses. i guess i am "not allowed" to do that.
just another thing i cannot control..
hun i feel you. my boyfriend says his roommates are always being sarcastic about my statuses. and i'm like wtf then don't read them. i was like i have a whole network of friends on here for SUPPORT and your meathead roommates are not part of it. Then, after christina said her family was getting concerned with her statuses, or people were telling her parents i was like ohh shit.
ReplyDeleteso you know how you can set privacy settings for who can see your wall or pictures or whatever? you can do it for statuses too. you used to be able to... then they changed it, so you couldn't sensor specific things, only in general "things you post". now, there is a way to only post to certain people, or to exclude certain people.
in my friends list, i made a group of everyone who understands my struggles. i.e. frew crew, friends from school who are in group with me, any other ed people/supporters i've met online, and shaun. so now, when i post "racey" statuses i only post them to those people. there's like a little lock next to the share button on your main profile. you can actually do this with anything you post to fb :)
<3 i lovee you