first day jitters

tomorrow is my first day at my new job EEEEK! i am excited, anxious, scared..all of the above? i have not been able to sleep well all week due to my anxiety surrounding this job. one of my best friends today helped me pull my head out of my ass and told me that i was sabotaging myself. shes right. ive been making up excuses and reasons why i cant do things or why i wont like the job. i am not giving it a chance!

this is a new chapter in my life. the true beginning to adulthood. of course its going to be scary. its a transition that most people either love or hate. i myself, am hating it right now. but hopefully that will change. i think it is because of the unfamiliar. i do not know what to expect. i feel like i will be inadequate for the job. but honestly, i have 4 years of higher education under my belt. they wouldnt have hired me if they didnt think i was qualified enough. i just have to keep telling myself that.

i attempted to be productive today and take the CANS exam online but the darn thing messed up on me, so now i have to wait til monday when i can talk to someone. grrrr. so frustrating.

However, i did speak to a woman i met recently and am fitting into my schedule something that is good for me and my recovery throughout my week. yes, i put it into my excel schedule! its so pretty filled with times, colors and such. you know me...OCD major. hehe.

i think this job could be what i need to turn my life (this mess ive made) around. it will provide some sort of structure for me. and hopefully i can get my sleep pattern back on track because boy its annoying to wake up at 3am and not go back to sleep..

so my friends, we all have first day jitters. but its normal. whether it is in recovery or a new job. just shake it off and hold your head high...

love you

lis