ranting & raving

so i know i posted already today, but i feel like i need to let more emotions out...

i have heard from NUMEROUS people "all i want for christmas is lisa back" or "all i want for christmas is my daughter back". well im sorry to crush everyones bubble but what you see is what you get. right now i am not able to give anyone the "old lisa" back. right now, i am in a very tough spot...a spot where ed is very dominant. i know it may seem selfish and foolish. but that is the way it is.

i know that right now i am not the person i once was. i used to be carefree and lively. now i just stick out in a crowd, wondering what people think of me. i was out with friends tonight and all i was thinking was "guys aren't dancing with me because i am not pretty enough". when REALLY it is because my anorexia has isolated me so much that people are afraid to connect with me. i so wish that i could give people their wishes..that i could be the old lisa. but this is me..right now. i cant give them the answers they want. i can't guarantee or promise anything. this is MY life and I have to live it. it may not be a glamourous life by any means..but it is MY life...i just hope that i can return to that person they once knew...