missed chances

i have been single for quite some time now. i constantly get bombarded with the questions “is there anyone new in your life?;” “dating anybody yet?;”. i havent been in a relationship for quite some time now, and as well as function in a relationship, i tend to work well single. i keep myself busy with my job, friends, and family. as much as i love having that other person there to always go to, i dont like having to answer to anyone. 

i barely have time to keep myself together right now; i wouldn’t function well as half of a couple on top of it.

there are times i miss my ex so much it takes my breath away. the constant text messages throughout the day. the songs that make me think of them and bring a smile to my face. the day dreaming of our future together, our wedding, our house, etc. but i dont miss the fighting, the triggers, the crazy jealousy over such petty things. 

i hate, more than anything, the idea that i’m being “that” girl. the one who still texts and calls her ex while her friends whisper behind her back about how sad and pathetic it is that she can’t let go. i no longer do those things but i still think of my ex day in and day out. 

i hate being the one who misses a dozen chances with somebody new because she’s holding out for the one who left her brokenhearted in the first place.

i’m not so worried about missed chances, though. i don’t think a chance counts as a chance if you’re not ready to take it. and, on so many levels, i’m absolutely not. i’m only ready to build on the life i have right now...