going back

in two days i am moving back home w. mamadukes. i have spent the last five months living on my own (completely) at my grandparents house while they were in florida for the winter.

for five months i could do what i wanted. i could stay up til all hours. i could eat what/when i wanted. i could come & go as i please including going out late at night. i could watch what shows i wanted. i had freedom.

that comes to an end on saturday night. my eating disorder is freaking the EFF out. soon i will be back at home with the "food police". the fridge and pantry will have a close eye on it seeing if food is being eaten. i will have that constant "you need to eat" coming at me all the time. it was nice to not have that for five months, despite not really doing too well in recovery.

i am dreading moving back. i am 24 and feel like i should have something to say for that. i have my bachelors, yes, but my masters is incomplete BECAUSE of my ed. i am not in a relationship...blah blah blah. it is just a reminder of how small my life has truly become because of my disorder. 

i plan on gutting my room when i get back. i am throwing out things i havent used in ages, getting rid of clothes/shoes, filing papers etc. this will bring a lot of feelings and memories up as i will be looking at things from the past, good and bad.

to sum it all up---> i am crawling out of my skin and ED is screaming so loud to "live it up"  the next two days -_-