last night i did something i NEVER thought i would do. i finally let go of someone who was so important to me. it needed to happen. it was a long time coming. we parted ways a few days ago, but yesterday i told my T that i needed to erase the texts i saved and this persons number. i knew i wouldnt do it if i was by myself. i needed that accountability.
i dug my phone out of my purse and hesitated. i didnt want to erase it. because that meant it is reality. i deleted the texts...all of them. i can no longer torture myself by reading them on a daily basis. it hurts too much. now came the phone number. tears welled up in my eyes. this means i have to say goodbye. my heart became heavy. i said "i dont want to do it." my T said i had to if i wanted to move on. that goodbyes are painful. i scrolled to her name and closed my eyes. delete. it was done..overwith. i cannot believe i did it. i no longer am able to text this person whenever i want. i am beginning to cry as i write this..
this symbolizes me saying goodbye to my eating disorder. beginning to let go and live my life in a healthier way. it is beyond scary..to say goodbye both to ED and this person. but i have to if i want to live..if i want to be happy.
it will take awhile to mourn this person who meant the world to me. and that is okay. a hole now lives in my heart and someday, that hole will be filled in.
so proud of you love. you can do this. it is in moving on that we heal
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