in one week from today i will be another year older. possibly a year wiser? i am hitting the twenty four mark. which inevitably means i have been having a "quarter-life crisis". i joke about this but i am beyond serious and actually mean it. i am not happy with where i am at in life. i feel like i am stuck..stagnant and behind in the stages of life compared to my peers.
yes..i am only going to be twenty-four. my biological clock isnt ticking quite yet. but i feel like i should be married with children and a growing family already. that word "should" implies judgment of course. if you asked me when i was entering college where i would be by twenty four, that is what i would say...married with kids. that is what i want more than anything in this world. to grow a little person inside of me and raise them.
i dont like my job, i am not in a relationship, and i am living back at home. i feel like i am a child again, trying to be the dutiful daughter that my mother wants me to be. despite having my bachelors degree, i feel like i have not accomplished anything and am a failure. my eating disorder has stopped me from pursuing my hopes, dreams, goals. it has held me back from so many opportunities that ive lost count.
i simply am not happy with where i am and who i am right now. i try to process it each and everyday and i get lost in all the thoughts and feelings. so my question is..
how can i just sit with..me?
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