fearing change.

"Change...

we don't like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is... everything" -Grey's Anatomy

as i was thinking of what to write today i remembered this quote from grey's. it is 100% true. we dont like change, in fact we fear it. but the world is constantly changing and sometimes change is out of our control. the seasons change, wonderful people leave this earth, but beautiful babies are born. often we feel lost when these things that are constant are changing.

i for one, am terrified of change. this goes for anything in my life, including food. i hate the fear of the unknown because, well...it is just that. unknown. a month or so back, my bedroom was disrupted (long story) and i immediately fell apart. my world, my safe haven was invaded. i was exposed. naked. it was no longer MY room. i had to live with this change for about two weeks and it was one of the most uncomfortable feelings. i slept on the couch for the first few nights but knew that could not go on. that is just one example of change. when i go grocery shopping, i buy the same things each and every time. same food, same brand and heaven forbid they dont have the yogurt i eat (which this happened on sunday) i immediately get anxious. i have stupid rules that dictate my life. my closet is organized a certain way, i like to eat my food with a certain set of utensils. and all of this restricts me.

i am terrified to think what my life would be like if i didnt have my eating disorder anymore. what will happen if theres change? who will i be? how will i cope? i guess what i am getting at is...change is inevitable. it may be uncomfortable as hell, but we just need to sit and go along for the ride...

have a splendid wednesday my pumpkins!

love you to the moon and back

lis